Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Reflections in a Pond

Before I met my wife, there were only a few things were important to me. First off was the sports initiative. I played ball in the summer, hockey in the winter, and anything else that suited my fancy. An example of this is how I learned to play darts. I have a friend who is very good at darts and would just keep me in the game to dash my hopes in the end. Being the competitor that I am, I went and bought a nice bristle board and top of the line darts and began to practice. I was working nights at this time so I would get home from work and throw darts until I was tired or for at least an hour or two. These practice sessions would consist of up to 15-minute intervals of throwing at a specific number until I hit it 100 times. As I improved, my goal was to hit the double and triple spots with the same regularity. This character flaw shows how single minded and stubborn I can become in regards to my desires. It also sets me up for a dramatic avalanche of emotions where failure is concerned. With most things I’m my toughest critic.

Party time also sat high on the scale of importance. I’ve never been a big drug user as pot is the only illegal drug that has made it into my body. And I haven’t smoked pot for at least 14 years but I still like to drink and get crazy. There were times after hockey games that can only be recalled. Actual moments in time are forgotten with only vague recollection remaining. My passion for action was equivalent to my sports addiction. I could be at a club or a dive and be just as happy as long as there were interesting people…. things to occupy my time. There were also times of self-loathing that and despair as I revolted at what was important to me during this period in my life.

Looking back at this period in my life, the way I reacted to obstacles in my life was not much different from either aspect. My extremely critical self- evaluation didn’t distinguish between the relevance of my involvement vs. the importance of it. I crashed when faced with extremely difficult letdowns.

As I matured, I learned to adapt to conflict. Be it self-imposed or from an outside influence, I learned adjust my thinking and attack that which had hindered me in the past. I still have times when the weight of my burdens drag at me like the cross did to Jesus, but my faith and desires have inspired me to overcome any obstacles that are hurled into my path. I will overcome that which has wounded me.

And speaking of faith, I found this link
(click here) someplace. When I remember I link them up (Tripjax). It goes into poker, addiction and other miscreant behavior in regards to living a faithful Christian life.


TripJax said...

glad you read it...i'll link you up today...

The Poker Enthusiast said...