Monday, April 09, 2007

Blowing Chunks and Other Crap Including Surf's Contest

Man walks into a bar and says to the bartender:

Man: I want the biggest coldest beer you’ve got and I want it now cuz I deserve it…and I want it in a frosty mug.

The bartender goes and fills up a frosty mug and gives it to the man who slams it down in no time at all.

A few minutes later the man says:

Man: Bartender…I think I want something with a little more kick but still tastes good”

Bartender: I’ve got this bottle of tequila that everyone seems to like…it tastes good but has a big kick.

Man: No…I don’t think so…every time I drink tequila I blow Chunks.

Bartender: That can’t be good…maybe you are allergic.

Man: No...Chunks is my dog.

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I was on the way home from work the other day and heard something interesting on the sports radio show I was listening to. They were talking about accidents they had at different times in their lives and it degenerated to times they had crapped their pants.

This is my story.

When I was in my early 20’s I was playing ball almost every night of the week. I had a routine that included showing up to the ball park about an hour and 15 minutes before the game. This gave me time to eat a couple of hot dogs and down a soda before I would start getting ready to play. Eventually I would hit the bathroom to eliminate an un-needed materials left in my body so I would be free to play the game un hindered.

On this particular day, I arrived late to the ball park. I started my routine a little late and at game time I had not had the chance to relieve my self. We were the visitors and thus we had to bat first.

About the 2nd pitch to the leadoff batter I realized that a bathroom break would be good but I was on deck. When I stepped to the plate a few pitches later I thought everything was OK. No gut churning anyway. On the first pitch I send a line drive to right center field and I tale off down the baseline ready to make the turn toward 2nd base. The ball split the outfielders so now I’m planning on going to 3rd. As I hit 2nd base, I have to stretch a little and we have a problem. A little squirt comes out of my ass an I coast into 3rd with a stand up triple.

Here I am, standing on 3rd base with a squirt of crap on my ass. I eventually scored and I ran to the bathroom bow-legged and drop my pants to find a mess. I wiped my ass and threw away my underwear and got back on the field just in time for the bottom half of the inning.

More useless crap about the Poker Enthusiast.

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I played no poker over the weekend. It was kind of nice to get away and not have to worry about grinding out a small win. In many ways, I think this up coming ball season will be good for me. It will make me concentrate on my poker game more because I wont be able to just jump on the next one. This is something I was doing well with but got away from over the last couple of weeks.

This may be a hard week for me to play. I have meetings on Wednesday and Thursday and getting home in time to play either the Mookie or the Riverchasers is going to be hard.



Either of these would be good.

4 comments:

TripJax said...

"Holy Shit!"

The Poker Enthusiast said...

This gives new meaning to "No runs, no drips and no errors"

slb159 said...

Good it was a stand-up triple. If you hadda slide, it might have gotten even uglier.

mookie99 said...

Funny but in the future be sure to include NSFL...Not Safe For Lunch reading. :)