7 Things Just for You

Surf tagged the world with the meme that has been going around so I’ll step up and do my part.

1) All of my children were conceived while I was on a softball trip. Softball Enthusiast began her existence while I was playing in Decatur Illinois. I wont go into the details but my wife and I were early in our marriage and still took every chance we to do the bump. Speedy Enthusiast was conceived at the NAFA World Series In Salt Lake City. If I could pin it down to a moment in time it would have been while we were watching TV, waiting to head to the mountains with another couple. And Baseball Enthusiast while not officially being conceived during the trip was basically created while attending the AAU World Series at Disney World. It really happened during the build up for the trip but it was close enough for us to say we was made during the trip.

2) I spent one hour of my life in jail for driving on a suspended license. When I first got my license I got a ticket for doing 35 MPH in a 30 MPH zone. I didn’t have the money to pay for the ticket so eventually I had a warrant for my arrest sitting out in the police world. After being informed of my license being suspended I paid the ticket and thought it was over. 3 years later I got pulled over on my way to work and got hauled to the Aurora police station. I still had the recite but it didn’t matter to my dad who had to bail me out of jail. As it turns out, I needed to send $15 to the state to have my driving privileges reinstated. I sent the money down state and got the reinstatement but the court said they had to charge me with something so I now have a petty offense on my record. It is a misdemeanor so I can vote and own a gun.

3) On my 22nd birthday I was playing in a softball tourney in Iowa with a bunch of guy in their late 30s and early 40s. They got me hammered and poured me back into the hotel room around 3 am to get some sleep before the 8 am game the next day. At some point in the middle of the night I woke with the urge to pee. Someone was in the bathroom so I found a chair in the corner of the room and used it for a urinal. I didn’t really know I was doing until the guy sleeping next to the chair started yelling at me. I guess he didn’t like getting splashed in the face with my urine.

4) I lost my virginity in my father’s truck on Jeter Rd. in rural Big Rock, Illinois. I had asked my burnout stepsister to hook me up and she came through. My prerequisites were that she had to be cute and she had to be easy. She was both and we headed to a party a friend of mine was having. So after the 30 seconds of lust was over, we headed back to the party to find my mom and my friends mom sitting in the kitchen. They knew the party was going on and had come back to see how things were going. It wasn’t a big deal. Not until my buddy threw me under the bus and told my mom I had just gotten laid. The next day my mom shows up at my dad’s house and we have a discussion on sex and the responsibilities we have in life. I denied the whole incident say that my buddy was just trying to keep the focus off of himself and his cherry busting moment he also had that night. To this day, I won’t tell my mom that I lied.

5) I was a band geek in high school and proud of it. I played the clarinet for 7 years and quit playing my senior year because band got in the way of accounting class and my girlfriend who was in accounting. In reality band was an easy A and it was dumb to quit when I did. I did have a lot of fun and we took some cool trips to various places including one trip to Detroit my sophomore year. To this day I will still pull my clarinet out of the case and see if I remember how to play.

6) For all the sports and activities I’ve done in my life I’ve never officially broken a bone in my body. There was a couple of time when I may have broken a finger, like when I hit a mailbox with my hand at 40 MPH trying to hit the mailbox with a beer bottle. The other time was during soccer when I slipped on the astro turf and my little finger swelled up. I just taped it up and had friends open my beer bottles for a week. Anyway, I have had a separated shoulder, knee surgery, surgery on the other shoulder and more sprained wrists and ankles then I can count. Just no broken bones.

7) One of the most painful experiences in my life involved me and an enlarged prostrate. One morning I woke up and hit the bathroom like any other day. The difference this day was the pain I felt when I took a leak. There is no way to describe the amount of pain I felt other then to stay I though someone stabbed me with a knife. I met with my doctor later in the day and by the end of the next day, the pain was all but forgotten. That is until the medication ran out. I eventually changed doctors and received the right prescription for my ailment and have been pain free ever after. The only bad part was that I had to get my prostate check and that involves a rubber glove, ky-gel and no dinner after then intrusion. All I got was a paper towel and a bill for services rendered.