Monday, March 03, 2008

Ode to...Continued #2

Flowers, food and other things dealing with the visitation and funeral just seemed to pop up as we went through the process. These are all thing we know about but don’t really occur to you right away. More costs in honor of the deceased that are all very worth it.

Saturday wasn’t too bad. The kids had things to do like hockey and softball and the busyness helped keep my mind off dealing with my father’s death. I made the early trip to pitching practice and discussed life with Softball E. She didn’t really want to talk that much so I didn’t push it to hard. We all need to express and relieve our selves in our own time. Anyway, while we were gone, Mrs. PE, Speedy E and Baseball E went through all of our pictures to find the right ones for a mosaic of pictures for the visitation. They brought a smile to my face as I glanced through the memories.

The rest of Saturday was uneventful other then a few calls. The biggest call was trying to find someone to take care of my dad’s dog. He had a husky that is three years old and is full of energy. I would love to keep the dog but with two cats and a small dog, it wouldn’t work. Huskies are pack animals and this one wants to be the alpha male. He would eat up our little dog and we wouldn’t want that. My sister doesn’t have the room for the dog so we ended up asking a friend of my dad to keep him for now. She agreed so we don’t have to worry about that for a while. This lady has a friend up north who will probably take the dog and give it a good home with lots of room to run around.

Later in the day, I was taking my middle child to a friend’s house and almost missed the turn. I was lost in thought of my dad at the time and almost drove by without a second thought. I’m not sure how long these random moments of refection will continue to pop into my head but I enjoy the memories of my dad.

I knew Sunday would be bad. I arrived to church early hoping to get the pomp and circumstance out of the way as soon as possible. We have a close nit congregation so I knew I would be flooded with condolences from many people. However, it really didn’t shake down that way. A couple of people came up but not as many as I thought. The news might not have gotten out as well as I thought but I knew that it would change.

His visitation and funeral arrangements were announced during the service and the heart felt warmth of my church family came pouring out like a tsunami. As the condolences came, I found it hard to concentrate on their feelings of sorrow and condolence. I fought to hold back the tears and many times I had to take a second to collect my self before responding. I thought I had good control over everything until I saw my daughter…tears in her eyes…wanting to be held and told everything would be ok. 14 is a hard enough age to be alive with all the hormones and such so I turned my back on the elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife and held my daughter…trying to take away her pain with my love. My wife walked up and joined us in a moment of family tears that needed to flow to maintain our sanity.

My other daughter walked up during this and I stepped away to be with her. I’m not sure she totally understands the finality of all of this. I think she is trying to be strong and putting the pain away in the back of her mind. She has had aloofness about everything but I truly think it is her way of dealing with the sorrow. I gave her a huge and kiss and told her how much I love her just because I can and because I want her to know it is ok to cry…with her dad...and that her dad is man enough to cry for something lost.

After church, we had some running to do and I was semi lost in thought as I drove to our destination. I wasn’t crying but I know that tears wanted to come and Mrs. PE asked what was wrong. I jumped immediately back into man mode and said nothing. Stay strong and show no weakness…It is what my father would do.

9 comments:

BamBam said...

P.E., my sincerest and heartfelt condolences go out to you and your family.

There's always the saying, "If there's anything I can do." Well I can't do too terrible much from here. But if you want an ear to bend or an e-mail thread to get some things out in the open, just let me know and I'll make sure I'm available.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Instant Tragedy said...

Miles away and yet still there. Your heart will wander, it will roam, but it will return with memories of him and home.

Though he is gone,
he's always with you.

Please let me know of anything I can do.

Sean

lightning36 said...

Losing a father is a unique experience for a son. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this difficult time.

GaryC said...

Dusty,

My deepest and most sincere condolences. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to give me a shout.

God bless.

G

aniguy said...

I never have words for these things but.....
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Evy said...

I am very, very sorry about the death of your father. I can't even imagine the pain you are going through...

It is going to be tough, but do not be afraid to lean on friends/family for help to get you thru this.

God bless.

Evy

biggestron said...

Condolences to you and your family in this tough time.

--Biggestron

TanOrpheus said...

My thoughts and prayers to you and your family. God Bless.

Bonus Games said...

Sorry to hear about that. God bless you and all kind people.