Thursday, September 28, 2006

It Happened One Night Again

It’s now about 11:30 and I’m heading to the party that would almost be my demise with 3 other friends. Sammy Hagar is cranking and I’m pumped to be away from my forlorn friend who just can’t seem to get any action from the opposite sex. Anyway, we pull into the field and park next to the truck of my old girlfriend and it’s off to the bonfire.

Waste of time is the first thing that comes to mind as the kegs are all empty and the idea of standing around a bonfire on a warm July evening doesn’t really appeal to me. Around this time, my old girlfriend has noticed me and gives me an alcohol induced kiss that was mixed with the fresh taste of tobacco. I still got along with her but our relationship just hadn’t done anything for me so we just stayed friends.

We decide that an alcohol run is needed and we, including the old girlfriend, jump in the car and we are off to the liquor store. In reality the last thing she needed was another drink but we, being gentlemen, felt it was honorable to fulfill the request of a woman in need so we reacted with her in mind. Anyway, as we’re heading back she falls into the” I miss you so much and I want to get back with you” routine that is caused by imbibing to much beverage. As this continues she starts to unzip my fly right there with the rest of my buddies sitting in the car. Now I’m not one to turn down oral massage but it is a little strange in the company of friends. It took some effort but I convinced her to wait until we got back.

After we get back and enjoy our new bought refreshments for a while, my old girlfriend asks me to drive her and her truck home because she’s to drunk to drive. Being the gentleman that I am, I agree and arrange for a friend to follow us so I’m not left stranded in the middle of the country. As we start to leave she continued the assault on my zipper in an attempt to show me her love for me.

At this point I’m at the crossroads of morality. Do I allow this young woman access or convince her she’s only doing it because she hammered? With my staff at full attention I calmly explain that if she wants to continue this when she's sober I will be more then helpful. She protested but after a minute or two she conceded to my request. Then she threw up all over the inside of her truck.

Was this a brilliant moral lesson or just luck? I’m not sure but I know I didn’t want hours of curdled beer sitting on my crotch. In the end I dropped her off at home and jumped into my buddy’s car.

The ride home was short and thoughts of the evening came and went as I drifted off to sleep that night. I got lucky twice that night without dropping my shorts.

No comments: