Feeling is the Key

As I get older I see and feel the pain of life everywhere before me. I view examples in all directions as I stumble through this world with a mind numbed stare. I’m not looking with eyes of pessimism but seeing the stark reality of what is happening in the world. These things can be summarized in a few different categories, of which, we deal with in our own way to get us through the days, weeks, months and years of our lives.

Our age is relative to a lot of things and how we react to it has as more to do with how we are feeling than our actual age. And as we get older we run into more physical issues. We suffer through pain from the past exploits of our youthful invincibility and carry the scars through the rest of out lives. The pain I carry everyday reminds me of my youth. It is almost a badge of honor, or maybe it is a badge of stupidity…I’m not really sure which is the correct answer.

Things I’ve seen through my eyes.

As many of you know, my father passed away in February…he was liked by many and did a lot for many people…he died a lonely man. Things in his life tore at him…I could see it in his eyes and his mannerisms. It started around the time my parents got divorced and changed through time. I think he spent so much of his time helping others the last 10 or so years of his life because he had nobody to take care of and felt that it was a failure in his eyes to do differently. I also think he had unwarranted regrets about having a family that was split up by divorce and the turmoil caused by his re-marriage.

Things I’ve seen through my eyes.

My step-father is nearing the end. 2 ½ years ago he was told he would live 5 more years at most. He just left the hospital with heart issues as well as lung issues that are all related to his ailing health. I’m not sure if you are reading this now mom but I know you will…When we went to the Ray’s game in April 2006, I realized then that he would be lucky to make it 3 years. It was something about him having to stop every 100 yards to take a rest that convinced me that the doctor’s time table may have been off. I am sorry for you and I will be here for you. I know that he and I have never been close but what can you expect…he isn’t my father but I will miss him because he is a very good man and has helped me in his own way. Cherish the time you have left with him. You are both in my/our prayers.

Things I’ve seen through my eyes.

The anguish of youth surrounds us through our children. I see it with my oldest daughter who deals with peer pressure that will only increase as she starts high school next week. Do you remember what it was like to make decisions, knowing the difference between right and wrong and doing the wrong thing anyway? I can only hope that the things I have done, both right and wrong, will give my children the ability to make the right choices when it really counts. And please tell the truth when you make the wrong ones because it is much easier to deal with it when we know all the facts.

Things I’ve seen through my eyes

Dealing with self absorbed people is trying on our soul. Their vanity and self aggrandizing ways are like little needles that individually have almost no effect. But over time, these little pin pricks become irritating and soon we are scratching at the discomfort. Eventually, the nuisance becomes a boil that has an ugly head of puss that if left untreated explodes into a myriad of cankerous infections that…well let’s just say it isn’t pretty.

Things I’ve seen through my eyes

I’ve seen the elation of a child as he reaches the end zone for a touchdown and the despair of watching the lead slip away into defeat. Does the look on some ones face when they do something great out weigh the despair you see when they have something tragic happen in their life? Or is it all connected?

Feeling is really the key to life. I have come to the conclusion that as long as I feel then all is good regardless of what I’m feeling. And though I seem to have a bit of tragedy and/or mixed emotions about the near future, I am delighted to be part of everything that comes my way…because not caring is the alternative.


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